Now Hiring
So how did it come about that I took a job at a funeral home? I was “between jobs” and desperately needed to bring in some extra money to pay the bills and put some food on the table. I knew I could quickly and easily get work in fast food, or retail, but wanted to make a little more money and wanted to do something interesting. Luckily for me, I had only had to get “hourly” jobs 2 other times in my life. During Christmas break at Red Lobster during college, and at a Ham store during Thanksgiving and Christmas. For the most part I had always been able to work in my field of study, which was theatre performance. One Sunday afternoon I was perusing the want ads in the newspaper and ran across an ad that read: “Wanted: Chapel Attendant.” It had the name of the funeral home, and a phone number. What is a chapel attendant? I wasn’t sure, but it sounded very intriguing. So I called and set up an interview for the next day. I put on my dark suit, shirt, and tie. I met the funeral director in the lobby. He was a gentle, distinguished man in his early 60’s. He sized me up by asking a few basic questions like: How did you find out about the job, and are you a psycho who is morbidly interested in being around dead people? I assured him I was simply a poor man in need of job. He gave me a tour, explaining that my job would entail running the sound system at funerals, standing at the front door greeting mourners and showing them their way into the chapel. I would be required to occasionally help set up some candles and flowers for funerals. As he took me through the funeral home describing my job and showing me around, we entered into a small, dimly-lit room with lots of flowers. I glanced over to my left and noticed an open casket with an elderly lady resting peacefully in a pink 70’s style outfit. Her hair and make-up looked fresh and heavy. She didn’t say much. The funeral director kept talking to me as if our surroundings were not odd. I, on the other hand felt a bit strange that a third person had joined in on my interview and that she happened to be dead. I had never been on an interview like this before. The funeral director said that the main part of my job would be coming up to the funeral home at night so that mourners could attend viewings. I would then be required to lock up after everyone had left. He asked if I would be comfortable doing this? I said yes as I glanced over at the corpse to see if she had moved. She was still there with the same dead-pan expression on her face.
Just then, he said he needed to take a phone call and ask me to wait. He left. There I stood in the small room with the dead lady. Before I had only glanced. Now I could stare. I did. After a few moments, he came back in and asked if I had any questions. I said no. He offered me the job and asked if I could start that week. I said yes. We shook hands, and he walked me to the back door, where I quickly got into my car.
You may be thinking that this is how I began my job working in a funeral home. Actually I ended up not taking the job. The hours were not great, and the drive from my house was too far. But now my curiosity was sparked. I decided to call a funeral home down the street form my house and see if they had any openings. That’s where my funeral career begins.
Check back soon for the next part of my story. . .
“I glanced over to my left and noticed an open casket with an elderly lady resting peacefully in a pink 70’s style outfit. Her hair and make-up looked fresh and heavy. She didn’t say much.”
Truly, writing at its best. I loved that line – It is like something out of a movie.
As strange as this sounds, I am looking forward to this blog!
Could I ever produce a film about your days working in a funeral home?
Haha, I nearly woke my parents when I yelled “What?!” at the end of this post, when reading this at 11 41 PM. This is another bookmarkable blog, you have done it again, Mr. G.